Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Emily Clare's Birth Story.


Hey. HI blog world! It’s me, Morgan.

I used to come here a lot to talk about my life and my dog and my fitness and then I got pregnant and – POOF, disappeared, lol. Or maybe it happened before that, I don’t know. Life just got busy and I guess I didn’t need this outlet as much as I did in the past. Which is actually a good thing. But boring if you were a fan of mine. (Me claiming to have fans, LOL.) Last I updated here, I was 28 weeks pregnant and entering my third trimester which seems like an eternity ago even though in reality it flewww by. Really, the past two weeks have seemed to fly by, which is why I want to write this before any more time gets away from me. *And warning before I begin: I am severely sleep deprived so excuse any typos, etc. I do not care. Also, pictures are mostly from our Canon, and unedited. Some are from my phone and also unedited, which drives me crazy they don't "match," but again. Do not care. Now back to my story...

Call me a weirdo, but I’ve always LOVED birth stories. For years, I’ve been reading other peoples stories with this just..total  fascination and maybe it’s because I’m just a super emotional person, but the whole thing is just the most beautiful almost, “love story” ever. (Also, I just love all the details because I’m also super nosy, haha!) I always knew I wanted to share my own story someday, so I’m excited to write this out. But fair warning it may get REALLY LONG, but I want to remember every single detail, so not holding back.

...but if you’re nosy like me, you won’t mind, right?

SO I guess let me start I guess back around 36/37 weeks because I think what most people are curious about is why I had a planned c-section in the first place. First of all, when I went in for I believe it was my 35 week appointment, it was just a “belly check” so no poking around or anything, but I expressed concern to my doctor that I felt like the babys head was to my left side and she agreed that it felt like babe was really high and sort of sideways. (“Transverse,” which I only know because I googled the shit out of it afterwards.) So she scheduled a sonogram for the following week to check on things and we sort of began the conversation about IF she was breech, what the options were. And even then I was like, “yeah, c-section is totally fine with me” because if I’m being honest, I always had this GUT feeling that I’d have a c-section someday so mentally I had thought it over already, and part of me even wanted one, which I will get to in a minute. BUT turns out she either went head down, or was never head up in the first place (or at least the week before), so being breech wasn’t an issue, but the sonographer went, “I’ll tell you what though, she’s not a very big baby..” At 36 weeks she was measuring more like 34, so from there we were scheduled a sonogram every week to make sure she was growing, check fluid, that she was “practice breathing,” etc. And even though she was on the smaller side, her growth was consistent and everything with me was looking just fine. But at my 37 week appointment, the Doctor finally checks me (CHECKS as in...you know) and goes, “WOW. Were you a gymnast?” And I was like, “…yes.” (Not like an Olympic gymnast or even really that great, but I was a gymnast/competitive cheerleader.) And with all seriousness and concern she barely skipped a beat and goes, “want my honest opinion Morgan? It’s very likely you’re going to need a c-section. Your pelvis is TIGHT.” And she explained how I wasn’t dialating, my cervix wasn’t doing anything, and basically baby was probably not even going to be able to “drop” because my pelvis just wouldn’t allow it. Which explains why it felt like I was literally carrying her up in my boobs, haha. So I looked over at John who nodded his head and I was like, “yeah, let’s do it.” And I don’t want this to get all controversial, and it’s a big part of the reason I wanted to keep it a secret from everyone, but really – my biggest fear has always been labor. Like I said, I’ve read and watched tons and tons of birth stories, and I know how it goes sometimes. Throughout my pregnany I kept joking that my birth plan was to have my water break, get the epidural ASAP and then take a nap until it was time to have a baby. Things that terrified me about labor; pain…hours and hours of pain, tearing, cutting/episiotomies (like makes me pass out thinking about it even though a c-section IS cutting), basically anything that has to do with hurting that whole area, and really, just the uncertainty of it. Like you NEVER know how it will go. You go into labor, or get induced and it could go 1,000 different ways. You get a c-section, there’s a process and a plan and a date and I liked the idea of that, a lot. But it’s not one of those things I feel like you can tell people, especially other Moms. Like, “yeah..I don’t actually want to birth a child through my vagina...” In the world of empowering women to be strong and do hard things, it would seem like I was cheating or something. And also I’ve heard WAY too many horror stories about c-sections, so I definitely didn’t want to share that I had a planned c-section and then get a flood of messages telling me bad experiences or that I should try to labor on my own and see what happens. I didn’t want to see what would happen. And when I even asked my doctor what would happen if I went into labor before our scheduled date she was like, “you wont.” Like she was that SURE that my pelvis was just not going to open up, and said she wouldn’t even encourage me to try because I’d be that person in labor for three days with failure to progress and then end up with my c-section anyways, only difference was, it’d be like running a marathon beforehand.

So she gave us the go for anytime after 39 weeks so I picked May 1st, which put me at 39 weeks 1 day and I chose 7:30AM which was the first surgery slot available. I didn't want to think about it any longer, and honestly, even though my pregnancy was easy, I was over it and so ready to finally meet our girl. So we left with some simple instructions - not to eat past 10, not to drink past midnight, to take a shower the night before and then again in the morning. It was like, no big deal. Like making a dentist appointment, lol. And I liked it that way. We felt really, really good about the decision. But we for sure wanted to keep it to ourselves, which was hard for me because as most of you all know, I’m VERY open. And I felt like I had to try and pretend that I still didn’t know when baby was coming. We didn’t even tell our families until like five days before and made them all promise not to say anything. That’s how serious I was about not letting anyone ruin it for me. I was in a good place and wanted to keep it that way.

The next two weeks went by really fast, and before we knew it, it was Sunday and we were looking at meeting our baby IN THE MORNING. I actually woke up that morning at 7:32 and I couldn't believe that in only 24 hours she’d be out of my belly and into the world! It was wild. We didn’t really do anything special that day, just cleaned the house, finished packing our hospital bags, I got a pedicure and took my last long leisurely pregnant bath. But more than anything we just tried to mentally stay cool and calm about what was about to happen. Around 9, I knew my cut off time for eating was coming, so I ate FOUR pieces of French toast as my “last meal” because that’s what I had been obsessed with the last few weeks of my pregnancy. For some reason I kept thinking about how I would tell her that story someday. How I made French toast for dinner the night before she was born. I don’t know, it's sort of funny to me, lol.

Anyways, I'm surprised I slept at all, but I did and eventually morning came. Or I guess, it was more like the middle of the night because we had to be at the hospital at 5:30 and had an hour drive there. I set a 3:30 alarm but missed it because my phone was on silent, so when I opened my eyes and saw I only had 30 minutes to get ready, I basically jumped out of bed and started scrambling, which in hindsight was probably good because I had no time to start worrying about anything. I took a quick shower thinking how it was the last one with my giant belly, put on a pair of the three leggings that had been my entire wardrobe for the past 6 months, and then some waterproof mascara knowing I was in for a day of lots of tears. John was joking that it felt like we were getting ready to go to the airport with all the “luggage” we had and having to leave so early. We barely left on time because I of course had to curl my hair. I even had to hold the still hot curling iron in the car because I couldn't put it in my bag, and yes, I had to take it with me. Although I didn't actually use it until three days later, haha.

We didn't really talk too much during the drive there, John would occasionally comment on the traffic, and I mostly sang along with every single song that came on the radio in an attempt to distract myself. Even though I was totally fine with having a c-section, it wasn’t like I wasn’t nervous. I was, for sure. It would be my first major surgery, besides getting my wisdom teeth out, and I really didn’t particularly like picturing what was about to happen. In fact, I told my Doctor not to tell me anything about the procedure. Like, “don’t tell me when you’re starting, when the babys coming, nothing.” No play by play needed, lol. So yeah, I was nervous. But I kept reminding myself that the surgery was literally ONE hour of my life and that I wouldn’t feel a thing, so how bad could it be?

So we get to the hospital, and this is the funniest part of our whole story I think. We pull into the parking garage and John goes, "oh no...." and puts his hand to his stomach. APPARENTLY he put a few too many sprinkles of red pepper flakes on his pizza the night before and now had to REALLY use the bathroom. So we run into the hospital because a) we were literally RIGHT on time and I had to check in RIGHT on time, and b) because now John had to REALLY use the bathroom, haha. So we go separate ways, and I actually have no idea where labor and delivery is, so I'm power walking through the hospital trying to find out where to go and when I finally get to the right place, I walk myself right up the nurses counter and go, "HI. I'm here for a 7:30 c-section." And what I find so funny is that is seriously was just like checking into something as simple as a dentist appointment, and also because who checks into the hospital to have a baby like that all alone like that, haha? I started to feel a little self conscious that I was there alone, so for some reason I blurted out, "my husband is here. He's just in the bathroom right now. He's very nervous." And that became like the joke of the morning with the whole staff. Everyone was asking John if he was nervous and he was so confused why, haha.


One last bump pic in the elevator!

So anyways, from the time I checked in, everything went really fast. They took me back to the prep room, had me change right away, which was the moment it finally me like, “oh shit. Here we go.” I put the gown on and I had brought socks but for some reason I didn’t feel like I should wear them, which turned out to be a bad decision. (Morgan of the future, remember this.) They asked me about a million questions, health history, etc. Put an IV in my arm..which only took three tries, but luckily needles don’t really bother me so I kept telling the nurse, “it’s okay, it’s okay.” Everyone who would be present at the surgery came into meet me one at a time which I thought was really cool. (I’m sure you don’t get that with a rushed c-section.) Then a women came in asking about planecta donations and at this point I was feeling a little overwhelmed with all the people in and out and how fast the time was going, so I really don’t feel like I was that nice to her, but I agreed to donate my placenta because what the heck else was I going to do with it. (I HAD looked into encapsulation, but decided not to.) So I filled out everything she needed, which was basically five pages of really weird questions like, “have you had intercourse with someone who’s been in prison within the past five years?” And then she needed John to sign off on it, but he was back in the bathroom for the hundredth time, so she stayed with me there making small talk for what seemed like ever, and all I wanted to do was have like 5 minutes alone of quiet time on my phone or something, so I was pretty annoyed at that point, lol. He eventually came back though, signed and we got rid of her. OH and then someone came in and took like not kidding, ten vials of blood, and two were for the damn placenta lady. I was like, thanks. Haha. Really though, that seemed like a lot of blood to be taking before someone’s about to be cut open and bleed even more? But, who knows. I tried not to think about it. And then seriously before we knew it, it was time. John put his outfit on, we took our last picture as non-parents and they wheeled me down the hallway to the OR.



Once we got there, they had me get off the bed and walk in, and literally, it felt like a movie set. It was the BRIGHTEST room I have ever seen in my life, and much, much bigger than I imagined it to be for some reason. And it was FREEZING! I started shivering and immediately regretted my decision not to wear the damn socks. And I find this so funny now too – but I was feeling so self conscious in my gown that I walked holding the back closed so my butt wasn’t hanging out. Like I wasn’t about to lay totally exposed to all these people in about 5 minutes, LOL. 

They had me sit down and then the anesthesiologist got to work first and honestly, she was so AMAZING. I am so, so thankful for her being the one there with us that morning. I had heard that getting the spinal was one of the most painful parts of the whole thing, so I was a little nervous for it, but she was so gentle and explained everything she was doing and what she would be doing next and I had another nurse in front of me basically hugging me in place so I’d stay still and while it did hurt a little bit, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. And then from there, it was like instant. I don’t even know how to describe the feeling, but it was like my body turned into sand bags. “Heavy” feeling. I was laying down now and I kept trying as hard as I could to move my toes and NOTHING would happen. John came in around this time and all I could keep saying to him was, “this is the weirdest thing!” I also told him about 100 times, NOT to look around because I had made that mistake when I first walked in and saw a tray of tools that I will never be able to unsee, haha.  No, really, the first thing I actually said to John when he walked in was, “am I naked?” Because I had felt them moving my legs around and it felt like they were propped open or something, which made me feel REAL exposed now. Obviously, lol. But as uncomfortable as it was to be basically naked in a room full of people, I got over it pretty quickly and got in "the zone." I was cool as a cucumber, which I tend to be in situations like this. And bless our Doctor, she did as told and didn’t give us any heads up when she was going to start or anything, just like we asked.  I only knew it was about to begin because they put oxygen tubes in my nose and the anesethiologist was sort of giving clues as to what was going on. Like she kept LOOKING over the curtain and going, “mmhmm. Everything’s looking great” and making little comments like that. I could hear a little bit of chatter going on, but I was really focused on trying NOT to listen. John was sitting down next to me, and he and I just held hands and did that thing were you just rub the other persons hand over and over again. (You know?) And I’ll never forget that detail because it was like we were saying to the other, “it’s okay. You okay?” without actually saying anything at all. Then before I knew it, I heard the tiniest little cry and IMMEDIATELY my eyes filled with tears and I looked over at John and I think I went, “oh my god.” I knew that c-section babies don't always cry at first so I was prepared for that, but nope. She came out with one little cry and it sounds so cliché, but it was the sweetest sound I had ever heard. Then someone yelled out “7:48” and I saw her being whisked over to the left of me to the baby station/warmer/whatever it’s called. And from there, she screamed her face off! SO upset at being born, haha. I kept my head turned towards her and just watched this little thing kicking her arms and legs all around and I remember thinking she looked big and that her hair was so dark. She threw me off for a minute with that dark hair because I wasn’t expecting it, even though I had the same dark hair as an infant and we knew from her sonograms that she had a lot of hair. John was still sitting next to me, and I gave him a few minutes before I was like, “ GO TAKE PICTURES OF THE BABY” because I knew it was probably super overwhelming for him too, and I also wanted to give them a few minutes to clean her up a bit because John is terrified of blood, lol. But he eventually went over to meet her. And SPEAKING OF PICTURES – that super nice anesthesiologist took our nice camera and shot ALL of these great pictures. I'm not kidding, I am FOREVER grateful for that women. She was an angel! I wasn’t sure about taking my big camera in, but I am so, so glad we did. This might be a lot of photos now, but I just love them all.

















Eventually they brought her over to me and put her on my chest but at this point, I was starting to feel just a tiny bit...sick, so I wasn’t really as into it as I should have been. And really, it’s a strange thing to have this baby just placed on your chest for the first time ever and you have no idea what to do. Or that’s how I felt at least. She was crying still and I was like, “it’s okay girl, it’s okay.” And I was thinking things like, “do I call her Emily? Girl? What do I call her?” and I kept thinking how I wished all these people weren't watching me meet my baby for the first time, haha. It was definitely overwhelming.  And then I’m not sure if it was because she was still crying, or because I started to doze off, but they took her away at some point and after that, I just could not keep my eyes open for the life of me. I wanted to sleep so bad, but kept trying to fight it off even though my eyes were like rolling back in my head basically. John told me later that my blood pressure had dropped super low, so maybe that had something to do with it., I don't know, but all I wanted to do was get out of there.




Here's my doctor coming to tell me they were all done and that she was glad we went with the c-section because apparently my placenta's cord was on the side and not the top? I really have no idea what the problem with that was, and in the moment I really didn't care.


After what seemed like FOREVER. Like, F-O-R-E-V-E-R, they put little Em back on my chest and we were rolled out of the OR and back into the same room that we started in and the nurses started covering us in heated blankets and put what was basically a blow dryer under the blankets to warm me up. It felt good at first, but then I got really hot and my hair started bothering me and my face was sweating and all I wanted was to get the heck out of that room and away from people. 




I asked if I could have some gum, and the nurse told me no, not yet, but John was able to start feeding me ice chips, which was better than nothing but frustrating I remember, lo.l.  AND THEN – in an effort to keep this short, let me just skip over the next hour where we did God knows what in that room. I know someone came in and showed me how to breastfeed, but I was really SO EXTREMELY TIRED by this point, I barely remember and know for sure I didn’t retain any of that information because later on it was John who taught me how to breastfeed, haha.  So anyways, I don’t remember getting to our recovery room, but I remember the nurses coming in and out and me asking for juice and just so much going on. I drank a tiny apple juice and not too long after I felt super nauseous and voiced concern that I thought I was going to throw up so one of the nurses handed me what was essentially a barf bag, and it all came back up. Now, THAT hurt. Dry heaving an hour after abdominal surgery is not fun. Also not fun is doing this in front of your husband who’s taking care of your brand new baby all on his own because you are a mess, haha. After that, I had no control anymore and totally passed out. I kept waking up and thinking, “I should take the baby” but then I’d fall asleep again. But John was REALLY amazing. The guy who had never before held an infant in his life had that baby alone for probably two hours. HE was actually the one who had to change her first poopy diaper, while I drifted in and out of sleep. (I remember hearing the nurse helping him, but I couldn’t even open my eyes to look over.) 



I’m not sure when, or how long it took, but I eventually came to, and the nauesesnes and exhuastaion went away but I still feel like I can’t remember much from that first day. I think there was just a lot going on, and I was also seriously drugged up, so that doesn’t help. I remember some guy came to deliver flowers from Johns parents and thinking he didn’t look like a flower delivery guy. I remember thinking one of the nurses looked so young I was convinced she was a high school student or something there as an intern, lol. I remember weird things like that. And speaking of the nurses, I don’t know if it was just me, or if everyone is that out of it after surgery, but I feel like I really put them to work, haha. The night nurse in particular that first night I called so many times like, “hi. I have to pee. Can you come unhook me from 500 things and walk me to the bathroom?” And speaking of peeing…there were so many things I didn’t know about recovery, and if you already have a baby you probably already know this, but did you know after having a cathedar in, it’s like really, REALLY hard to pee after? It took me FORTY-FIVE minutes and I was seriously worried that I had forgotten how to pee and would never pee again. It was a scary moment, haha. But besides all the exhaustion and the peeing and what not, that first night was hands down one of the best nights of my life. I knew I wasn’t supposed to, but I kept Emily right inside my gown and on my chest almost all night and I just couldn't stop staring at her. I kept thinking about how this was her very first night on earth and I didn’t want to sleep because I didn't want to miss anything. I totally get now how parents just watch their kids sleep. I'm doing it right now as I type this in bed, haha.



 I won’t go over all the details of my three night stay because this would become a serious novel at that point, so some of the highlights…

John went home Tuesday afternoon and my Mom came to visit for the evening. While she was there, I took my first shower which was another difficult task, and the shower sucked. But it felt good to finally change out of the hospital gown (which I actually ended up loving, open back and all, haha) and wash my face because I still had on that makeup from Monday morning. God bless that waterproof mascara, it held up WELL.


THAT CHIN DIMPLE!

Two words. Room Service. I got to order food three times a day, and at first that didn’t seem like enough because I’m used to eating like 6-7 times a day, but I had (and still sort of have) no appetite since delivering baby. I’d order my food and by the time I was done eating it, I swear it was time to order the next meal. I was basically just eating because I had to eat, which was a first for me. But it was sort of fun, and they had dessert which I took advantage of a few times, of course. And the last night we were there, we got the “stork special” where you get a celebratory dinner for two, and were actually pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t bad.

 What else, what else..



I have about a million pictures of John with Emily because, DUH, it’s just the cutest thing in the world to me. He only stayed with us in the hospital for that first night so he would come back out and spend the day, before going home again. Which was totally fine with me because I really didn’t need him during the night. And it was sort of nice to just have that time alone with Emily, even though the second night I think I spent half the night crying because she wouldn’t sleep and I hadn’t napped at all during the day and was just so exhausted. One of the nurses came in while I was crying and I tried not to let her see me, but she did and all she could do was rub my back and say something about it being good for my milk supply, lol. (I loved the nurses, really, but by the end they all started to annoy me.)



Here's our first "walk" around the hospital. They really recommend with a c-section that you get up and walk a few times a day. (Obviously starting the day after surgery, since I was literally hooked up to so many things I had to call for help to walk to the bathroom that first day, lol.) It was sort of a disaster because Emily screamed the whole time and John was walking too fast, and it was funny because that was the first time I was outside of our room, and since I didn't even remember getting wheeled into our room it was like, "oh wow. So this is what the world looks like."

I'm not sure where birth stories are supposed to end, but this is getting like painfully long now, so I'll stop myself. And if you've stuck around and read this far, well then, you're probably a Grandparent at this point, LOL. So let me wrap it up...

We took her home Thursday afternoon. My doctor came by to see me one last time, and I finally remembered to get a picture with her and Emily.



Oh, and something else I never want to forget, John had me DYING laughing when we were packing up to leave. (Super quickly might I add because he was so ready to just get us all home.) And he was going around the room taking all these things that I would have never tried to take with us, like the wipe container that had like, not kidding 10 wipes left in it. I was like, "John, stop stealing everything!" Haha. But he claims we already paid for it all, so it was ours to take. Whatever, lol...

By the way, laughing HURT. It has been really hard to be home with John these past few weeks because he keeps trying to make me laugh and whenever he does, I get so mad and serious like, "STOP IT RIGHT NOW." But back to leaving the hospital...




Our favorite day nurse walked us out to the car, gave me a hug and we were off! Another thing that hurt? CAR RIDES. I sat in the back with Em, who was perfectly asleep the entire time, but I was like, "ow ow, ouch" holding my stomach with one hand and the seat belt with the other so it wasn't actually touching my body. And then because neither of us had lunch yet and because there was NO food at home, we went through the In & Out drive thru for burgers and milkshakes. I still had no appetite, so it took me like two hours to finish my food when we got home, but also because I was sort of overwhelmed to be home. (I'm realizing being overwhelmed is a theme here, lol.) It was weird to be home with this new baby. And I really wasn't feeling well (FYI, C-sections and pain killers causes serious constipation..) on top of now four days of very little sleep. So that first night home was BAD. So bad I wont' even get into it because I don't want to ever re-live it, haha. REALLY, REALLY BAD. But everything seems to get easier every single day. The nights are hard though. I have a breakdown when it hits around 6pm every day because I start to get nervous how the night will go, but we're getting the hang of it. I dont' want to jinx anything...but as I type this, she's been asleep in her bassinet for 30 minutes, AND it's a decent time, so looks like I'll be getting some sleep tonight. At least until my 2.5 hour timer goes off and I have to be up again to nurse...

But maybe the whole "how we're surviving baby" is best saved for another blog post. If I come back here to blog...which I should, but we will see. If I've learned anything so far it's that I definitely do NOT have the time that I used to. In fact, writing this post took me like, ten days! So maybe I'll be back, maybe I won't for a while. But in the mean time, feel free to follow me on Instagram for mini updates daily on our life.

And that is the story of our little Emily Clare! Overall we are really happy with our whole birthing experience, and even though we're exhausted and having a newborn is like the most confusing and sometimes frustrating thing ever,  it's also the most amazing thing in the world to look at this beautiful little girl that we created and get to keep forever. We fall more in love with her every single day, and it's crazy how we don't want the time so pass, yet we do because we are so excited to watch her grow. 

I can't believe she's really here. 

Until next time, xo..

Thursday, February 16, 2017

HELLO THIRD TRIMESTER!


My blog domain renewed the other day and I SERIOUSLY considered cancelling it because clearly I'm never here anymore. But I really do hope to come back here and start documenting more! I feel like I may regret not documenting this pregnancy, but I'm just buuuusy. (Which is GOOD!)

So this post may cover a whole lot, but I haven't done an update for two months. WHOOPS. And everything feels so different now. Like, I'm really pregnant. Like, this is the new me. I almost can't even remember what it was like before I went to bed and woke up to little nudges in my belly. Or what it was like to wear jeans, HA. I did try a bunch of maternity jeans, but decided not even going there. Not unless I could buy a REALLY nice pair, but I don't want to do that. I told John that's what I want post baby. New Madewells so I have incentive to get back into shape. Not that I won't have other incentives, lol. It WILL be practically summer. But this isn't a fitness related post, so moving on....

When this publishes, I will officially be TWENTY EIGHT WEEKS!!! AND LIKE, 4 DAYS!! Getting REALLY REAL over here. My shower is in a few weeks and already people are starting to send us things and I literally have never been so excited IN MY LIFE. Even over the tiniest little things like swaddles, I'm like OBSESSED with looking at and imaging her tiny little baby body in. GAH. You guys. I know it probably seems like all I talk about is my changing body, and how we're not really ready for this...but I cannot wait. Sometimes I try to imagine what my life will be like soon, and I can't even. I have an idea, but I really have NO idea. I think maybe that's why it's such a shock for some women once the baby's born. I don't know how prepared you can be for your entire world to change in a second. I've started thinking a lot lately about that and trying to prepare myself. Knowing how hard it was for me to learn HOW to be pregnant, I imagine it will be hard for me to learn how to NOT be pregnant haha. (Taking advice!) I've started reading a TON lately. On ALL topics. I feel like I need to catch up on a lot. But I still think the best book I read so far was "Bringing Up Bebe." And I'm about through with one book called "Push Back" that I really am loving. It's sort of a...."push back" against the natural childbirth movement, which I'm really not against. ALTHOUGH I will be open and honest - going for the drugs. All of em. No shame. But I like it because I find the whole medical side of how birth's evolved very interesting. And it's interesting how this "natural" thing has really taken off recently, almost like....well a fad, haha. I'll stop there. I do not want to argue about this. (Please.) But I suggest reading it. Even IF you're very crunchy, just to hear the other side of things. OR if you maybe think you had a "bad" birth experience, for sure read this. 

ANYWAYS. Not getting into that. Like I said. (Even though I pretty much just did, haha..)

Moving on to my recap now...which might be a lot...but HEY I just paid $14.99 for this website so it's my space to record whatever I want, right?


I'll start with the obvious changes. I'M HUGE! I'm not really sure when this thing "popped" but it sure did! The baby itself feels HUGE too. I felt my first nudges at 20 weeks and they were these tiny little things and now I swear, she's giving me elbows, haha. We were walking Ted last night and I stopped and went, "OW." Felt just like an elbow, I swear! But I think it was actually her butt. Last time we went to the doctor there was this one really hard spot and she was like, "that's her butt right there." Haha. And I was like, "OH MY GOSH SHE HAS A BUTT?!" Like, I can't even stand thinking about how cute she's going to be.

But back to changes...I've gained just about 15 lbs, so I'm happy about that. (Although I'm getting a bit relaxed on my healthy eating..) And I don't think I have any stretch marks yet, I'm using a combo of like three oils/creams, but I have gotten those little purple veins on my legs which are lovely. I'm actually just very veiny right now in general. But that could also be because I'm super pale, haha. I haven't experienced any swollen-ness or anything like that, but I did get a certain lovely gift that is very common to pregnancy due to "pressure" I guess, and I won't mention out loud, but if you know, you know. So that's been super fun. And my belly button is starting to pop out on one side. I've been tapping it down actually, which I don't know if that's even recommended..or if it will even help, but it helps my shirts not look so funny too, so I do it.

But at least my hair is finally growing. So that's been a bonus! But really, it hasn't been that bad. So far. I know this belly will probably double in size by the end, as it's growing BY THE DAY so I'm sure I'll be getting very uncomfortable soon. I've already put in my time with my nanny job to stop mid March, about six weeks before my due date because I just think at that point, I'll be moving a lot slower and have a lot less energy. Also, I'm worried my belly will hit the steering wheel by then, haha. (I do a lot of driving for them.) Even now it's starting to get uncomfortable just sitting here at the computer. It hurts where my boobs meet my belly, lol? Maybe that's my bad posture coming into play, but sometimes I swear, I just need to lay flat for a minute to like stretch it all back out. (On my back. I know. Bad.) And speaking of laying down/sleeping, I am so OBSESSED with my snoggle pillow. I'm going to have a really hard time giving that thing up. Although I did actually have two dreams recently that I could sleep on my stomach again, so maybe once I can do that I'll forget about the snoggle because I looooove stomach sleeping.

Or maybe I just WON'T be sleeping soon, hahaha. You know, because we will have a newborn and all. John's hoping to be able to take a ton of time off, and we've decided that we just want it to be us for the first week or two before any visitors come so the three of us can bond and all that. I'm so excited. Even if we won't be sleeping. (Maybe he will, I don't know. I only know she's going to have to eat what, like every 2 hours? HOW DOES SOMEONE SLEEP?) I think I mentioned it on my Instagram a while back, but since I sort of picked her first name, John was in charge of her middle name, and we had one, but then we realized it was the street name our hospital is on..and we didn't want her to think we named her after that, haha. So he decided on something else recently and I BELIEVE we are set now! I was going back and forth on the spelling of her first name, but I think I've decided on that too. John made a comment that "people are going to think we don't know how to spell" hahaha. Which is funny to me because there are seriously like ten different ways to spell any name anymore. So we're going basic. But that's probably best. It's more us anyways.

And that reminds me, does anyone know of a cute Etsy shop or something that has customized name blankets? Similar to this. Ever since our "prepared childbirth" class last weekend, I've been feeling like I should really get the hospital bag together. Soon at least. But she needs clothes. And a blanket! But I guess I should probably wait for the shower first...


Okay, but I really want to talk about our class because I feel like that was the point when we both went, "oh shit." I don't think John had any idea that this was coming as soon as it is. I almost bailed out on the class actually, but I'm really glad we went. For one, it sounds weird, but it was really fun for us. It was almost like a date, haha. (Shows how lame we are!) But we made it fun. We were DEFINITELY the most laid back couple there. We were like giggling the whole time while everyone else was so super serious. (I mean, we did take it seriously though, I swear.) The women teaching it was bit too "Mother Earthy" for me. She was very proud of the girls who mentioned they wanted a natural birth. And she quoted us a passage from Ina May. So whenever she would go off on her natural stuff, I'd like look off into the distance in case she zoned her eyes in on me like, "YOU. LITTLE GIRL BETTER BE LISTENING." Hahaha. That's what I was imaging anyway...

So yeah, tons of "hospital bag" researching now. And I've been watching lots of birth stories on Youtube. My favorites are the ones where they get the epidural, take a nap and then have a quick baby. HAHAHA. Am I setting myself up with all this wishful thinking? I hope not, but really, I AM prepared to go with the flow. I think I will just be mostly excited to meet her, so whatever happens is fine. Just want a healthy baby.

But I'll probably talk more that later as it gets closer. I'd love to write her a letter before she comes. (Or a public blog post, LOL.) So, more to come...

Now onto what rules my life. Food. Always.


As much as I wish I could stop, my late night snacks are still happening. I just hope I can cut them out someday. (I used to be SO good. Like stopped eating at 7:30 every night!) For I swear, almost three months now I have been OBSESSED with this bread. Probably because all I really want is a cinnamon roll. Or really, cinnamon anything. So I have two pieces of this every day with cinnamon. And this tea is new to me, and I'll admit...the packaging totally got me. I was like, "YESS THIRD TRIMESTER!" But it's actually very tasty, and I "feel" like it's doing something good for me. Since that's what the packaging leads me to believe...

Remember that book I was just praising about? That book would tell me that this is the natural parenting industry making money off of me, hahaha. Whatever.

And besides that, I am OBSESSED with these one crackers I get at Kroger. I don't know the brand, but I snap them in my Instagram story all the time, haha. They're like wheat thins. I don't know why, I just love them right now! And oranges! And...avocados? I don't know I'm just rambling off foods that sound good...OH pasta. We went out to this pasta place last month, and I just got simple spaghetti with meat sauce and it was like THE best thing I had ever had in my entire life. I could not get over how good it was. I took half home and the next day I was like standing over the kitchen counter eating it out of the styrofoam box cold and it was just as delicious. I think we may have to go back there John..if you're listening..

We're trying to get in all the dates right now, so that's been fun! I do hope we will still get out once she's here, but I'm not sure sit down dinners will be happening. Or maybe they will, and she will make it even better? I don't know. We have to meet her first to find out what she's like! That's another one of the crazy things about all this. We have no idea who she is yet! So it's hard to imagine! John will ask me questions all the time, like do I think she will want to play soccer or do gymnastics and I'm like, "I don't know, I don't know her yet!" So far all I know is that she loves to kick around. So maybe both, hahahaha.

So I've covered my bump..preparing for baby..and what I'm eating. What else is there? Oh, we're trying to figure out where to live! Like, I'm waiting for a call right now hoping I can see a house this morning! Maybe I'll do another post all about that. But SHEESH. Are there like not enough houses in the world for everyone? So far it seems like if we don't see a house IMMEDIATELY, it's not even an option. You basically have to put in an offer without seeing it, haha. But FAITH. Having FAITH on all this. And I know it will be fine. EVEN if for some reason we have to bring her home here, we will be fine. It would just be very, very cramped as these little babies need so much stuff. (SO MUCH. STUFF.) But more and more and more on that later..

...gonna go eat some more of those crackers and wait for my phone call. Until next time!!
x



Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Christmas 2016. In 500 pictures or less..

Not feeling much for words at the moment (ever feel that way?) but MUST somewhat document the holiday before it gets too late. So here we gooooo....


Official Christmas photo all huddled in front of our tiny, tiny tree haha. (And check out the quality on that new camera! NEED to use it a lot more often!)

 Johns brother and his girlfriend were so sweet and flew out here to stay with us over the holiday so this whole post is basically thanks to them because if it had been just John and I, I'm not sure what we would have done all week, haha. 




And Ted's official Christmas picture. HAHHAHA. (Seriously though, that camera! So good!)



I was very uncomfortable with the pose of the first picture. I liked this one much better, lol.


I realize this is probably TOO close up now, but Christmas dinner! Johns brother did the steak and lobster, I did the asparagus and John was in charge of cutting the bread. (And then basically force feeding everyone his favorite butter, lol. Guy loves butter.) 


The boys playing with some little drones they got. In our tiny, tiny apartment so they kept crashing, haha. (And that's Ted ON TOP of the couch. Weirdo.)


OH and on Christmas day we went to the movies and saw, "Why Him?" SO FUNNY. OMG. I didn't even have a chance to watch the trailer beforehand so I had no idea what it was going to be about at all, but SO FUNNY. Go see it! And skip the Icee because it was actually really disappointing. But I had given myself a pass that day to just enjoy whatever I wanted. (Because I DID somehow wake up and go to the gym. The ACTUAL gym. So that deserved a treat in itself, lol.) 


And OBVIOUSLY we had to take them out for some BBQ because this is Texas. So we went downtown to this place that John's been dying to go to, Pecan Lodge. They're only open for like three hours a day and we wanted to make sure we got a seat, so we tried to get there right when they opened. Looks like we weren't the only ones!



John gave it an A+. My favorite part was probably the collard greens. Who knew!


And then one night they took us out to have our very first Indian food experience! John was nervous...sensitive tummy, but we both really, really liked it! I honestly probably ate more than everyone, haha.



Caught taking a bump selfie at the restaurant hahaha... 


And another  "OBVIOUSLY," we had to get some Mexican food. We actually don't have a favorite place around here yet. (Besides Tochy's. Which is like fast food tacos, lol.) So we tried somewhere new and it was..eh. I got the shrimp tacos and they were just alright. John actually got an amazing looking taco salad though.

(You guys. I could make any post into food post. I have problems. Moving on..)


And after Mexican we went to Top Golf which is cool and fun and I've talked about it before, but most specifically about them having the best queso dip ever. So even though we had JUST had Mexican food, we got the queso. And I golfed for about an hour before I starting complaining that my hand hurt, so I let them finish the second half without me. (NOT a single competitive bone in my body. Not a one.)



AND because why not? We stopped by the Stock Yards on the way to the airport before they left to see the animals, hahaha. I was actually not feeling very well and did NOT feel like walking around there (we had just ate MORE tacos...so much food) so we didn't stay very long. I don't think it was just me though, I think we were all really tired by then actually. (No photo proof, but those three did lots of drinking LOL.)

So as you can tell, LOTS of food happened, haha. It was so much fun though, and I LOVE when people visit pretty much for that reason because we eat, eat, eat. It's the best. (Even if it's hard to recover from afterwards, lol.) It's crazy to think how different next Christmas will be for us. We have no idea really what life will look like. Where we'll be living, WHO this little girl of ours will be. I bet we will even retire that tiny, tiny Christmas tree. Who knows! But this was a perfect, "last Christmas" as non-parents. (Especially for those who got to partake in the alcohol festivities, haha.) Maybe Santa will even show up next year?!?! WHO KNOWS! Time will tell!
xx

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