I was originally going to label this first post "reasons not to blog"... because I'm crazy and paranoid and keep going over worst-case scenarios in my head of how bad this could turn out. But as I started writing I realized that for every reason I have not to blog, I have an even better reason to blog. So here it goes.
... I've been going back and forth for over a year now about doing this. One day I will be all into it writing down ideas on scrap pieces of paper, and then the next day I'll think "who am I kidding, I can't write a blog." I think it finally came to me today that only one thing has been stopping me...fear. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid people will judge me. I am really afraid to have people I know read it. But none of these are reason enough to not go through with something I feel such a desire to do.
I first discovered the "blogging world" a few years ago. John and I were living in Nebraska and we started talking and dreaming about quitting our life there and moving to New York City. We were both very serious about it, and I began to research like crazy about the city. Still not sure how it happened, but I stumbled upon some New Yorker's blogs and I was instantly hooked. We never did end up moving to New York (we did leave our life there..more on later) but to this day those are still some of my favorite bloggers and from them I've found numerous other blogs that I follow. I wasn't sure why but I felt like I connected to these people. People I've never met, and the majority of the time had little to nothing in common with. But I kept coming back over and over again to get a peek into these women's lives. To listen to book and beauty recommendations, to hear stories of their children and pictures of vacations and even just their thoughts on this or that. And I finally realized that I did have something in common with them all. It's just women talking. Talking to each other. And trading stories. And telling secrets. And sharing tips and recommendations. And asking for and giving advice. And supporting each other (for the most part..). And thats why I kept coming back. Which will take me right into my first reason to blog...
1.) We've lived in four different states in the last three years making it almost impossible to meet, make and keep any friends. And I'm no good at making friends to begin with so pretty impossible for me. I wouldn't call myself anti-social by any means, but I am a real introvert and super shy and have this big loser complex where I think no one would want to hang out with me. So blogging is the perfect place for someone like me who isn't going to make friends with the new neighbors every six months.
2.) As it typically is with us lucky introverts, I think about 500 thoughts in my head and then say 2 words. Something I am working on... But, I've always been able to write out my feelings far better than I can attempt to speak them verbally. Many times when I feel like I need to talk to John about something but I know I won't be able to say the words I write him a letter (or just a really loonng text). And I've always kept a journal. But journaling hurts my hand, and takes too long...and my mind moves faster than my hand so by the time I write one word my mind is ten words ahead.
3.) I enjoy writing. But I'm not a writer. So be easy on me.
4.) This was one of the reasons I was going to list not to blog, but I tend to get embarrassed by what I say two seconds after I say it. All those old journals I was talking about, well I found my high school ones a few years ago and was so embarrassed by myself I ripped them all up for fear of anyone ever finding them. So I'm hoping I won't be embarrassed by what I say later on. But again, something I need to work on. LIFE IS PROGRESSION MORGAN!
5.) Another reason to not... I am so un-techy. I have no idea what I'm doing on here and it's hard to keep up with. The other week in the Apple store after the tiny little genious person left us, John and I looked at each other like, "did we get old?" But, I am quickly learning that I can google how to do just about anything I just have to have some patience. This blog will probably be under a constant state of construction. Apologies.
6.) On a timeline perspective my life looks interesting, but day to day I feel like it's so boring. I said this to one of my sisters not to long ago and she said "You think you're boring yet you eloped to Las Vegas." So maybe she is right. We will see...
7.) In the past I haven't totally appreciated the fact that we get to experience so many places. I do try to take a ton of pictures, but I think blogging would be such a good way to document and remember the places we live better. If anything this blog can be for us to remember this crazy time in our lives. And I hope it's sort of interesting to others too ;)
8.) IF I do tell my families/friends about this blog, it would be a good way for them to see what we're up to. JK I'm sure I will tell them. Eventually..
9.) I'm in the position right now where I don't have to work full time and I can spend more time doing things that I enjoy. I know that I am VERY lucky. I have only been working part-time on and off for the past year, so there is no excuse why I can't do this. I have more than enough time and energy to devote some of my life to this. And I keep thinking back to this quote I heard once that said something along the lines of "What you do when you procrastinate is what you should be doing with your life." Well I'm sure you can guess what I do...
10.) I promise I will wrap this up soon before it gets so long that no one ever reads it (although I kind of hope no one ever does) but one of the biggest reasons I had not to blog was this. Most of the blogs I know fall into either one of two categories, "Mom" or "Fashion" blogs. And I am neither a Mom (...yet) or a fashion stylist. Or lets not forget the "Lifestyle" blog, but I'm not sure I fall there either But like everyone else, I am of course interested in all of these things and I'm sure from time to time I will write about those things. Who knows, maybe this blog could go in one of those directions someday but for now I don't fit into a category, and I'm ok with that. I just want to be me.
And lucky number 11.) Because we just got this bad boy. I know John is so sick of hearing me talk about wanting to start a blog that this would be the push for me to just do it already.
Reading this list back now it all sounds a little stiff and informative. I think I'm just trying to convince myself still that this is a good idea. I think more than anything though I want to use this blog as a tool. I am trying to make a lot of changes in my life and within myself. 26 and I think I finally know the kind of person I want to be. And I think this can help me on my journey to get there. To be more truthful with myself. To hold myself accountable for the changes I want to make. To inspire me to keep pushing and improving myself. And of course as a creative and emotional outlet of sorts.
...And I'll leave it at that for now.