Friday, September 11, 2015

The weekly report: eh.


I've been feeling very much like 'eh' lately. I don't want to use the d word (..depressed) but I'm just like..eh. life. eh. I'm not excited about anything. I keep sleeping in late because I just don't care about waking up. And I don't think it's been any secret that I've been in a bad mood. I was blaming it on pms, but I think going on three weeks is pushing it a little bit. I don't know what it is, but I have no energy lately and wake up with a headache almost everyday. I was trying to explain it to John last night like this, I don't feel like I'm a healthy person, I feel like I'm living inside the body of a 300lb smoker or something. I walk up one flight of stairs and I'm winded. I carried the little boy I watch into the library yesterday and I thought I was going to die. Something is not right. I'm sick of feeling sick, and tired of feeling tired. I just want to feel good, you know?

And because it's all about food for me (all the time), I'm starting a little test diet tomorrow. I know I talk about this a lot (..like how last month I quit ice cream, but then actually got in my car once and drove to get froyo alone. and never told. until now..) but I think sugar is killing me. It's not even the sugar itself, it's how I feel about it too. I bought a 4 pack of ice cream sandwiches last week and after I ate one, I felt so sad I threw the rest out so I didn't make myself sad 3 more times. I know it makes me feel horrible, but I can't stop doing it. (How crazy do I sound?!) So I'm going to do a no sugar, no carbs, no alcohol - for seven days. Maybe longer if I'm really into it. I just want to see if I feel any changes. I'm not really following a "plan" just making my own rules. I know the "whole 30" is the way to go, but I have to start small and if there's too many rules I'll get discouraged. (Although, I do really want to try this..) I'm not going to be a total freak about it either. I just checked the ingredients on the turkey I bought and there's brown sugar in it, and I got corn tortilla chips which I'm sure wouldn't be allowed. I'm going for like, a 95% clean diet. And because I'm even crazier, I'm going to try to cut out coffee too because I don't think it's doing me any favors anymore. So wish me luck on that one, because that could only last a few hours. We will see..

I'm going to journal the week to see how I'm feeling, and if I'm into it, maybe I'll write about it. (Maybe means probably means yes.)

 Speaking of writing...today marks our 11 month anniversary. (Probably not a good day to "celebrate" though, not that we are the monthly-celebratory type anyways.) We're going to Vegas again, which I am so looking forward to, but I want to give fair warning (to the 4 people who read this) that I probably won't be posting much this month because I'm working on a 3-part wedding series. And it's going to take me forever. I don't even know where to start. It's hard. I guess it's just because it's something so dear to me, and I know it's different so I'm protective of our story. Every time I go to write it, I come off sounding so mean and defensive and that's not how I want to tell it. So I'm going to need some time. I started drafting a post "why I don't wear a wedding ring" back in March and never finished it because I just don't know how to say it. And I'm super proud/passionate abut the way we did things, so writing 3 whole posts is going to take all my energy. Also *spoiler alert* I do wear a ring now, but it's still in a way that everyone gives me a funny look and says "oh. that's...nice." So that's cool. (See?! I can't help but be defensive.)

Also, in case anyone is wondering by this point, this horse picture is just a card I bought for someone yesterday. I was going for the "Greetings from Texas" look. But he also looks a bit "eh" and like he's about to quit caffeine cold turkey too doesn't he?

Wish me luck. So much luck. (help...)

x.

17 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're feeling down lately--hopefully the 95% clean eating will help! Can't wait to hear your update! Also, don't worry about coming off as rude or defensive about your wedding posts--it's your story and it doesn't matter what people think of it. I can't wait to read it!!!! When are you going to Vegas? Have fun!!

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    1. In about 3 weeks. The weather will be more or less the same as it is here, but just a change of scenery will be nice. Plus last time we went, we were on such a schedule so this time we're just going to relax. So excited!!

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  2. It is crazy what food does to us! I have been talking lately about us eating too much sugar! Danny is worse than me (there should not be chocolate smeared all of your plate after pancakes!). I hate feeling guilty over food. It is stupid. Can't wait to hear how it goes and how you decided to do it. I could limit sugar, but not fruit, and definitely not carbs. But if it makes you feel better I will be super intrigued! Seriously can't wait to read your wedding story! I will take no offense at all. Our's was super boring. How can people judge though, really? Every story is different and how you feel about it is all that matters!

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    1. Hahahaha YES there should be chocolate smeared on all the plates after pancakes!! Half the reason I love pancakes so much is because they can be treated as a "breakfast" but really a dessert haha. Love it. I'm doing ok so far...feel better in some ways, not in others. Will go into detail more next week. But thank you about the wedding story. I actually loved reading yours because I felt like I could relate to it because it didn't seem like it was to please anyone else, just for you two. I love that.

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  3. You were married on October 11th? We're getting married on October 10th!

    I feel you on the 'eh' feeling. I'm obviously super excited about the wedding, but other things, like my job, leave me feeling eh. I've also been feeling like crap about eating poorly. Sugar is my downfall too, I need to cut it out!

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    1. Yes 10/11!! I love the idea of an October anniversary. I just think it's such a nice time of year isn't it!? You should be like so excited you can't sleep right now! I can't wait to hear about your wedding. Speaking of which, I don't even know if I follow you on insta yet?!!? I better go check ;)

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  4. I know what you mean about sugar...it is literally in everything (and I know I am so addicted). I really need to cut back on my sugar intake, mainly because I am just so addicted to ice cream! I am interested to hear about how your clean eating regime goes!

    I'm also super super interested in the posts about your wedding/why you don't wear a wedding ring. I love hearing about different routines, rituals and beliefs so I know it will be a great read. Have a lovely weekend girl!

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    1. It is in EVERYTHING!!! I've watched a few too many documentaries about it and it's sick. But I love it so much. OMG, ice cream. I used to eat it in bed daily. I miss that lol..

      It is good we're all different (in regards to weddings) though right, because how wants to hear the same story over and over again?! It really isn't based on religion or anything other than what just worked for us. But I'm glad I have all the support of you ladies ;) Means a lot. xo.

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  5. YOU ARE PREGNANT. I just know it. The tiredness, the pms attitude (your words, I think you are still super nice every time I read a post/comment from you!!) Prego. YAY!! ;) haha
    Anyways, I think that's such a good idea to change your diet and see how it goes! Diet has SO much to do with your mood! (previous experience!) I am kind of obsessed with eating "clean" but not like crazy. I still love taco bell and in n out every now and then but I try to cut out pasta and bread and other stuff like that(I substitute bread with lettuce wrapping things or tortillas) Try drinking almond mink vs cow milk! IT IS AMAZING how much healthier it is and has twice the amount of calcium. Honestly I could go on forever on what things make awesome substitutes to not as healthy things. If you want to get your ear talked off just let me know and I will haha Jason and I have legit had arguments on me trying to push cleaner eating on him and why it's better blah blah. Check out http://foodbabe.com/ !!!! She is amazing and helps you learn so much about healthy products to buy and the ones that seem healthy but really aren't (ie: brown sugar in a turkey burger, not necessary!!!) I don't know if there's a trader joes by you but I pretty much only shop there because all their brand food is GMO free & typically has like 6 ingredients tops.K sorry I'm going to stop before you hate me too much.

    I cannot wait to read your story! And I'm also sad you won't be blogging much this month because your blog is my fave and yeah, but do what you gotta do!
    xo Candace
    ps I hope you start feeling better soon girl!!!

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    1. I am taking SO LONG to respond to everything right now lol. Sorry sorry sorry. I read them on my phone usually and forget to go back later. Anywho! Yes! Trader Joe's is the best! There's one my way home from work, so I "stop by" like 3 times a week haha. They have the best stuff, but I usually come home with ice cream or chocolate bars too. One time I bough a "chocolate baba cake" or something like that, and I ate the entire thing by myself over like 4 days, and it had totall like 7,000 calories in it. That's the kind of crazy person I am. And heck to yes almond milk. I actually started to drink it when I moved in with John because he's like "semi" lactose intolerant. But I love it now! And I could definably use the calcium so I try to drink it somehow or another every day. As much as I love to eat ice cream and cakes, I really am into eating healthy. It's actually kind of fun don't you think?! And I'm going to check out that blog right now ;) xo

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    2. WOW HOW MANY SPELLING ERRORS DID I JUST MAKE?! Lol jeeeeeez

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    3. And OMG not pregnant ahhaha! Trust me. If I was it would be a relief to know what the hecks wrong with me lately.

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  7. This post makes total sense to me!!! I find that I feel the same way when I am overindulging in sweets too often, which is hard for me...because sugar is my jam. This morning, I threw away any treats and committed to phasing sugar out! I will never give it up, but I want it to be a treat...instead of an everyday thing.

    #sonotcray #twinners

    Xo,
    Lita

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  8. I know, same! I want it to be once in a while treat but instead I find myself everyday going "I need a donut" or a cookie, or ice cream, or everything. It's no joke so addicting!!

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  9. Ugh I totally relate to this! I go through spurts of feeling great and motivated to do things and then all of a sudden I'm exhausted and have zero motivation and just want to sleep. I always wonder if it's food related for me too but since I have no self control I never make it past like 3 days of only eating healthy. So please let me know how it works for you! And can't wait for your wedding posts!

    xx.
    Susie

    www.SequinsandStrawberries.com

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  10. Ugh I totally relate to this! I go through spurts of feeling great and motivated to do things and then all of a sudden I'm exhausted and have zero motivation and just want to sleep. I always wonder if it's food related for me too but since I have no self control I never make it past like 3 days of only eating healthy. So please let me know how it works for you! And can't wait for your wedding posts!

    xx.
    Susie

    www.SequinsandStrawberries.com

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