Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Literally the worst person to take to a sporting event.

I figure I have to write about going to the Texans game because I wrote about going to the Astros game, and I would have never remembered all that funny random stuff that happened had I not wrote it out. So, might as well for my memories sake. To file away under the "Texas chapter" of our life.

We went to the Houston Texans football game this past Sunday, and I decided that I don't really like sports. I thought I didn't like sports, but now I really know. I didn't realize it, but I haven't even been to a football game since high school. (And that is ten years ago, now. Yikes.....) Baseball, yes. Hockey, yes. Even basketball, yes. But not football for some reason. And I decided that I think football might be the last sports game I want to go to, if I had a choice. But I also really shouldn't be complaining because I (we) didn't pay for this. It was another work sponsored event and I'm truly thankful for that and all, but I really was just in a bad mood that day so I have to be honest about it. 

So it was raining and raining and raining on Sunday and really the last thing I wanted to do was go all the way downtown to watch sports. But we got there relatively painless despite all the rain, and the traffic near the stadium wasn't so bad. When we left the house it was actually not raining, which I always take as "it must not be going to rain ever again" so I didn't wear a coat, and wore my converse. Bad choice because it was pouring by the time we got there. Luckily we got a parking pass pretty close so it wasn't too bad of a walk to the stadium. And I did have an umbrella in my trunk so I used that, but it was like a huge one so I was probably hitting people with it as I weaved my way in and out of the crowds of people walking in. (I'm forever chasing down Mr. speed walker, I swear.) Oh, and as if  hitting people with my umbrella wasn't mean enough, on the drive in I totally splashed some people on the sidewalk when I sped through a puddle. I was like "oh great, karma's really gonna get me back for that one." But in my defense, John was like "speed up!" so I did and after I splashed those people, he was like "I cant believe you just did that!!" Haha, like he would not take any credit for it, but honestly not entirely my fault! Anyways, once we finally got to the front of the Stadium an attendant goes, "oh ma'am your purse is too large you'll need to leave that in the car" and hands me a clear plastic bag and I was like, "you have got to be kidding me." (Except I didn't really say that.) Apparently it's a new NFL rule (not that I would know the old rules) that you can only bring in a teeny tiny clutch or a clear plastic bag, so we walked back to the car where I dumped the contents of my purse into the bag, ditched my actual purse in the car and then trekked back to the stadium.

Obviously I'm exaggerating about the long walk...but it felt that way in the moment.

Morgan sports-enthusiast Apfel.

After we found our seats, I attempted to be nice and offered to go get some beers for us. John wanted this certain one that was only sold from one vendor so I was waiting in line, and waiting...and then this family of 4 cut in front of me like I was invisible, so I got really mad and left dramatically. Or it felt dramatic in my head, but really I just kind of made a face and walked away, then stood in the corner for a minute furiously texting John about how rude people are. Then I went to another line to get myself the beer I wanted, and the lady takes my order and my card and then goes, "oh id please!" And I was like, "you've got to be kidding me..." because it was back in the plastic bag under my seat. And the funniest part was I was just complaining to John on Friday that I bought wine and they didn't card me. So I was really extra mad now and stormed back to my seat, and said to John, "don't talk to me, I need a minute" because I legitimately thought I was going to cry. So I told him to just go, and he comes back like 3 seconds later with a beer, and a sandwich from the place where the people cut in front of me at, and I was like "OH OKAY COOL, glad it was so easy for you." But I eventually calmed down and went back (with my id this time) to get a beer and a pretzel. But I had some high expectations for this pretzel apparently because I was eating it going, "this isn't that good." I don't know what I expected...a pretzel literally tastes the same everywhere, like they all come from the same frozen pretzel factory. But it was just so dry and salty. I was trying to discreetly scrape the salt off the pretzel onto the floor, because I always feel bad about making a mess, but at the same time I didn't care because I was like, "f this stupid pretzel."

Check out those photo skillz.

So #1 thing I noticed right away about football games. People are crazy. They yell and boo and are just loud. And they love their team. I think we might have been the only people not wearing red/white/blue Texan apparel. Also, I totally thought we were going to a Texas Longhorns game, and was really confused when we first got there like, "why is everyone not wearing orange? I thought this team was orange?" But apparently that's a college team. Go me. But anyways, back to everyone acting crazy. Like some man behind us was screaming and cursing out the ref, and trust me when I say we weren't that close so the ref most definitely could not hear him. Like, people were using binoculars to see that's how not close we were. So I'm not sure what the point of that was...but I think it's just something people who love sports do. Whenever John watches sports at home, I have to like leave the room because he turns into a different person. Like out of no where he will start clapping as loud as possible, and it startles me every single time. And I'm like, "who are you clapping to? It's just us here."

And question to girls who love sports. How?!?! Don't kill me anyone, I just could never. Sports just do not register with me. Like there is no part of my brain that understands sports. (Maybe blame my Dad, haha.) I kept watching this girl a few rows in front of me, who stood up every 3 seconds to cheer and high-five everyone, and she legitimately was having the time of her life. I don't know if I love anything as much as that girl loves football. I did get a little happier and more into the sporty-spirit thanks to my beer and would yell out a sarcastic "yay" when people cheered, or a "go football." John was like, "you're going to get your ass kicked talking sh*t in this crowd, these people are animals." Hahaha. (I do talk a lot of sh*t when I drink, and John would know because he witnessed a lot of it in our younger years. But as soon as someone's on to me, I turn sweet again. Or run away. Either one usually avoids a problem.)

I paid an extra $2 for this cup because I'm such a good fan. I kept going, "I'm drinking everything out of this cup when we get home." (Lol.) But no really, I want to make it clear, I was not drunk. Not even close. I'm not stupid, I was driving actually. But do you ever just feel mad and decide to let it all out? That's how I felt this day, and I just happened to be here. I probably would have been in just as bad of a mood if I were at home. I was feeling my feelings. I like to do that. 

Anyways, back to football. What else happened...

John wants me to mention that instead of singing "God Bless America" they played "Deep In The Heart of Texas", which he loved. (I don't remember that.) And what I probably loved the most was the cheerleaders. I probably watched them 98% of the time and the other 2% I checked Instagram on my phone. Instead of football thoughts I was like, "I wonder if they're really wearing red boots. I wonder if their hair is real. I wonder if they ever have bad days where they're like, I hate football!!" During halftime they had all these high school cheerleading teams come out onto the field, and they all did a routine together and I probably said about 10 times, "this is my dream." Seriously, high school me would have died and gone to heaven to do something like that. 

You can't see it, but one team had on cowboy boots and hats. #sotexas (I never hashtag except for here occasionally. Like it means anything, haha.) 

But besides the halftime show, I had some cute entertainment in the form of the 3 year old boy of the other couple that came with us. (They got there really late, so I don't think they had any idea that I was in a bad, bad mood at first.) I kept telling John before they got there that he should text them because it was so loud I was worried about the kid. And I was right, he totally cried and John was amazed at me like, "how did you know he would do that??" Haha, because I'm a baby whisperer. No, it was just really loud. I even wanted to cry about it. But really I'm not even exaggerating because someone pointed out that we were under the speaker, so it was extra loud. But somehow they found him some earplugs and he got a huge bag of cotton candy and then he was like a little sugar-drunk person who couldn't hear anything so he was in his own world and insisted on force feeding us all his cotton candy. It was awesome. 

John and I were like, "whoa, this stuff is delicious." Seriously, I don't remember the last time I had cotton candy, but I know why that kid was happy now. So much sugar, so much good.

And let's not forget that sports are always, always great for people watching. I love to look around and make up stories about the people around me. There was this one couple near us, who I swear were eating powdered alcohol. John read me an article not to long ago about it, it's a real thing. But they each had a beer and were passing back and forth this little bottle of white powder that looked similar to like a small spice jar. And they would pour some of it in their mouth and then chase it with a swig of beer. It HAD to be right? I took out my phone and started googling, "what does powder alcohol look like?" and the girl (Mom of cute boy) next to me was like, "Morgan what are you doing???" Hahaha, I was so caught off guard and embarrassed I was like, "shhhhhh!" And so I  had to explain it to her and then we were all watching them, it was funny. That cannot be good for you though. I really hope that doesn't become a thing. 

Anyways, so football happened some more..and then we had already decided that we were going to leave early to try and beat the traffic, so when there were about 8 minutes left on the clock, I started to get really annoying. Like staring at John and asking, "how long now? and now? now?" I might not know much about football, but I remember enough from my cheerleading years to know that 1 real life minute = about 5 football minutes. So when John leaned over and went, "okay ready?" I like shot right up and was like, "bye guys!!" and left as fast as I could get out of there. I have absolutely no idea what the score was, but judging by the crowd, I think Texas was doing pretty well...

So, that was my first NFL football game. "YAYY!"

I hope that everyone gets that I'm just kidding, mostly. Sports can be fun. It just so happened I was already in a mood, so all my thoughts and actions and memories are a result of that. But life's not always going to be, "omg had such an awesome time!" And I don't want to just remember those days. I want to remember it all, and these ones matter too. And in my opinion, a bad mood is almost always funny afterwards. Later that night I was talking with John and trying to communicate how I think life is so short and how we should say yes to everything and was getting like really deep, and he started laughing at me like, "really?" because I basically would have done anything to get out of going to that game earlier in the day, but it's true! I do want to experience it all. 

And I'm sure that next time I won't be quite literally the worst person ever to be sitting next to at a game. But every once in a while, sh*t happens. (Also, the spacing and alignment on this post is all jacked up, and nothing's cooperating so I'm giving up and going with that same motto.) 

x...

14 comments:

  1. Hahaha oh my gosh this is perfection. I feel you. I go to sporting events for the food...but it ends up being not very good and also a million dollars. But I never learn so I always get bribed with food. I like basketball games the best though because they're indoors and I think shorter than most other sporting events. I've been dragged to football, soccer, baseball, and basketball.

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    1. LOL "bribed with food" YES! That's what happens. It's literally the first thought that pops into my mind whenever John asks if I want to go lol.

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  2. This sounds like me if I was dragged to a football game. Luckily, Jacob goes with his friends to nfl games and I get left at home. They are super loud and football fans tend to be obnoxious and the game goes on forrreeeevvvveeeerrrr! I surprisingly knew about the clear bag rule but only because Dallas Cowboys stadium enforced those nfl rules for the Kenny chesney concert. So stupid! If I wanted to sneak a flask in (or more likely water since they charge you like $8 for something that quite literally falls from the sky), I could find a lot of places to hide it other than my purse! Like in my boot for example! Haha. And I'm sure tons of people were packing heat in the stadium...it is Texas after all, so the rule is clearly not for fun safety! I'm convinced it's just a rule to discourage women from attending events. Haha. Moving on...I would have been so mad at the cutters and I probably would have called them out for it and been like "I'm sorry, does this look like Black Friday to you?!" Hahaha. Also, powder alcohol?! What?! Is that a thing? I must go google...

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    1. Lol yeah I'm not sure what they are trying to do...I definitely was going to bring in my own water though lol. Stupid. And I am sure some of those cowboys had guns on them, metal detectors or not. The clear bag was funny though because I just dumped my purse so it had like loose random things, like visine, gum, chapstick, garbage lol. And, I so wish I could yell at people, but I just can't. Like if they would have noticed me, I probably would have been like, "oh no please go ahead it's okay." I'm such a baby.

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  3. Haha this was fantastic, I could really feel how annoyed you were. Probably partly because I'm in a foul mood today as well, oops. Bill and I are going with a bunch of his friends to the Giants/Patriots game next weekend and I'm kind of dreading it. I just know I'm going to be cold and trying to talk to everyone about everything but football and there aren't many girls going and I feel kind of tricked into going haha. I like watching sports sometimes but I also am not a huge fan and I also wish I could love something as much as that girl was loving the game. Maybe one day we'll like sports?

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    1. Lol glad you can relate to the mood, sometimes I think I shouldn't express just how crazy I am, but why not. You seem like a cool girl who would like sports actually. I can picture you dressed all cute, in like a baseball hat and and all ;) I usually am with a bunch of guys too..I just find ways to entertain myself. And I basically eat the whole time.

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  4. Oh lord this is so me. I go to baseball games for the hot dogs. Literally. Nothing else. Oh and maybe a cute picture if all goes well. I'm the worst sports fan in the world. And I laughed out loud when you mentioned your attempt to be dramatic because that's happened to me anytime I go out in public. I'm all talk, too. I want to cuss someone out and tell them how I really feel, but I'm too much of an introvert for that. I'll just find a corner and cry a little and then move on. But you better believe I'll hold that grudge for the rest of my life. Once, I gave this tiny begging dog at a park a piece of bread (it was the size of a small ant I swear) and the hippie owner turned around and yelled in my face, ummm he can NOT have that. Introvert problem again, if I get embarrassed in front of other people it's allll over. I shut down and tried real hard not to cry. Justin was like are you ok? I'm like dude, don't. If you talk to me I will cry. That was like four years ago. Still grudging over it. :p

    We can just keep faking it til we make it. At least the food is good. Except your pretzel. Sorry about that. :p

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    1. Hahahahahaha awww I can totally relate! If someone is upset with me, even if it's a stranger or is about the smallest thing ever, I will get really upset and 9/10 times cry. I've always been like that, I can remember hiding in the bathroom crying in second grade because I got in trouble with my teacher. I don't usually cry over someone cutting in front of me in line, but I was just emotional and everything felt like it sucked. I am full on girl in that sense. I cry a lot lol. But I totally went for the hot dogs/pretzels/all the food. And definitely the thought of some cute pictures crossed my mind.

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  5. I read this yesterday and was literally laughing the entire time hahahh this is so me at games. The last one we went to, I remember looking at the score board and seeing it wasn't even half time yet and my heart sinking haha football games are SO long. The minutes seem like 1 normal minute= 1 hour. How did John get the food so fast in line?!?! And you waited forever while some family cut you?!! Have they never heard No cuts, no butts, no coconuts?! Come on people. It's like going to the game and being there is exciting but actually being there and sitting and waiting drags on to me (especially football) I usually really like basketball games and baseball comes in second. ok and I can only imagine you waltzing down the street with a huge umbrella, hitting all these people by accident hahah the visual is perfect. That white powder sounds suspiciously like... crack... haha I don't know how to "smoke" crack or whatever but from movies, I know it's a white powder! Can you drink crack? Or just sniff it? I dunno but I'm just going to guess they had crack. That makes things even crazier!!! I'm glad you survived the game (and that the kid did, too!)

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    1. Okay, I read this in my car yesterday (at a light!!) and I was like HAHAHAHAHA! I was waiting for someone to say that, but as far as I know you cannot eat crack haha. But all I know about it I've seen on tv or the show intervention. And I'm pretty sure they would start acting craazzy. (Also learned from tv lol.) So who knows! It was just weird, and all I can ever remember after these things are the people I were watching. I'm so nosy I just like to stare at people and try to figure them out. It's my favorite game lol. And no I have never even heard of this "no cute, no butts, no coconuts" hahah. BUT I know if I'm unsure I always ask, "are you in line?" It's not that hard!

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  6. Haha I love the irony of the fact you were a cheerleader, but you hate to watch sports, but cheerleaders cheer for sports!! We could have gone to the Carolina Panthers Monday night game, buttt it was raining (their stadium is open) and it began at 8:30PM! That is like an hour before my bedtime and it would be all the way uptown Charlotte? No. I have never watched a professional football game so it would have been fun and I may have gone if it weren't cold and pouring down rain! Hey at least you went and you can say you did it, right?!

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    1. Yeah, if this stadium was open here I definitely would have have been there that day. The only thing worse than having to watch 3 hours of football would be rain. And NO WAY 8:30 lol. I am usually prepping for bed by then. This game was at noon so it wasn't so bad, I still have a lot of time when we got home. But yeah that is kind of ironic huh...lol...I don't think I hated sports quite as much back then as I do now haha.

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  7. This story just about killed me! I am not a fan of football games. I have had too many drunk guys spill their beers on me to muster up good feelings! You win the good-wife prize though! Way to stick it out. Nasty pretzel and all ;)

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  8. Lol yes I always feel very worried I am going to get splashed or sprinkled with something. Everyone is squished together soo close, and I hate having to get up a million times (for food/pee etc lol) and have to like squeeze through the rows to get out. Just not a very fun activity...in my opinion lol ;)

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