Monday, January 4, 2016

Maybe there are perks to losing perks?

So we're here... 

Although I'm still not really sure where "here" is just yet. I'm driving and walking around like I got dropped on Mars instead of just another state. I went to the grocery store the other day and I truly felt like an alien, like "what is this place?" and used the self checkout like I had never shopped before and my heart was like beating so fast and I kept messing up and I was getting nervous thinking like, "I bet everyone knows I've never been here before." I don't know why. I don't usually get this weird, and this definitely isn't like a totally different world from where we've been before. It actually reminds me a lot of where we grew up in Michigan. (Besides the red dirt! What is that?!) I just think coming from being in Texas for so long has me in some kind of culture shock. I felt different in Texas, but I feel really different here. The biggest thing is probably the accent and vocabulary. When we got to our apartment and went into the leasing office do to the paperwork, I couldn't even concentrate because I was listening and kind of fascinated by her accent. (And because I was telling myself in my head not to cry yet.) It's not that she was hard to understand, it was just new and different to me. The only word I remember was when said said mail box, it was more like "bawx." And then the movers came and I actually could not understand them. He asked me if we were Texans fans and I stared at him for a minute, and finally went "Oh, you said Texans!" It took such concentration to figure out what he was saying. Not that everyone I've met has a hard accent, but more so than not. And, it's cold!! Wasn't prepared for that at all, for some reason. I was going from wearing my vest everyday, to now coat/hats/mittens/the whole getup. Although we've been surprised by the amount of people we've seen still wearing shorts, haha. Whenever someone asks, Johns opinions so far include "everyone talks to everyone and everyone wears sweatpants" haha. To which I respond, "um, I wear leggings like every other day soo..."

Besides the accent and the weather (and apparently the sweatpants), something else just feels different. We've been here a week tomorrow, so not long enough to put my finger on it, but something is different. Or maybe not different, but new to us.  We tried to go to the movies on New Years to see Star Wars and we got in line, and then got out of line and decided to just go home. We didn't like it. (We learned from people later that maybe we were in a bad spot lol.) We've gone to all our usual places like Target and Costco, and for a minute it feels like everything is normal, sometimes even like we're back home home, then we go back outside and it's like, "oh right, we're here." "Here" being either South Carolina or North Carolina, which maybe makes it even more confusing because we're so close it's like we live in both. I'm sure soon it will all seem the same to me (like it did in Nebraska/Iowa), but right now it's confusing me x2. I didn't think that I had any real expectations of how it would be here, but maybe I did because I'm feeling somewhat disappointed. But I know I haven't been here long enough to really know anything, so saying I'm disappointed is probably premature. (And stupid.)

Truthfully, I got scared when we got here. Before we left I wasn't nervous at all, but I know I also had intentionally pumped myself up for the drive here (which sucked, and I'll get to later..), but when we finally crossed that line that said "South Carolina" and knew we were close, I felt this pressure behind my eyes and like I was going to explode with anxiety and nervousness. Then we drove past this amusement park, which for some reason crossed me as creepy, and then immediately off our exit there was this giant inflatable gorilla and I could see Ted's head poking out of Johns truck ahead of me and I had these thoughts that we took Ted away from his home for this? And then the tears came. But I'm sure most of it was just buildup from the drive. I've always been someone whose energy rollercoasters up and down, so having to be "up" on the long drive, it's no surprise to me that once we got here I immediately fell "down" and then stayed there for a few days while I adjusted to what's new, and missing and what's gone.

I think what we're having the hardest time with (besides the cold lol) is where we live exactly. We don't love it. And we loved where we just lived, so there was a lot to live up to that just wasn't going to happen here. For one because we set out to lower our living expenses this year, so we knew the apartment itself was somewhat of a downgrade. And two because we're living outside of the city quite a ways (much cheaper here), so the area is just kind of "county." I know I used that word a lot in Texas, but this is a different kind of country. (*You were right Jessica lol. There are different versions of country.) Not that being in the country's a bad thing. Like I said, it really does remind us of where we grew up. (Picture this: middle of nowhere, lots of back roads, an old gas station down the street...) But I guess maybe we liked the Texas "country" better. I know this is confusing, but someday I'll read it back and know exactly what I mean.

So that and the apartment itself are just getting us a little bit depressed. I feel bad even admitting this because I don't want to be ungrateful, I just have to be honest about how we've been feeling. (It helps me process and feel better lol.) It's brand new, so it's nice...just not as nice as our last place. I sound like a brat, which I hate, but again - someday I'll know what I mean. I think if John were to have come out here a few weeks ago like he was supposed to, he might not have picked this place. But we're here and life is going to go on, as it must. I guess what we're feeling worst about is Ted. I wouldn't call this exactly the most dog-friendly place. We used to live in a huge complex, with tons of walking paths and grass, and there isn't much here. There also aren't many dogs, and Ted being the most social dog on the planet is like dying to play. We took him to the (tiny) dog park here a few nights ago and he went absolutely nuts. All by himself, haha. I mean, we played with him but he went pretty wild all on his own. Johns been researching all the dog parks in the area, so hopefully we can find something to make up for the lack of exercise/social interaction he's going to get here. (Unless there's dogs we haven't met yet..?)

I've been feeling guilty about not writing since we've been here, but I think I needed some time off. If I sound sad right now, just know it was worse five days ago, haha. I think I needed to almost grieve the change. The move here wasn't exactly an exciting one. I was excited when we first found out about it and I tried really hard to keep it up, but the truth is that it's just more of a "stop" for us until we keep going again. I like moving, but the circumstances this time were a little bit different. Since this is Johns home office now, we aren't considered "traveling" while we're here, so it wasn't exactly a good thing (in his eyes mostly) to stop here as opposed to keep traveling. I won't get into detail, but there are a lot of perks to "traveling." So there have been a lot of changes, in every aspect of our life.

But today is a new day. We let ourselves basically wallow for a week but today it's time to buck up. John went back to work today, I have an interview later (decided to nanny again) and it's time to just embrace this chapter of our life. And already I'm feeling much better. Sometimes that's what writing does though. All of a sudden I feel like I've been being ridiculous and ungrateful, when I really have it all. So what we live in our self-described "country?" So what if we sound funny and don't get what the word "catawampus" means? I have to keep reminding myself that what we're doing is pretty awesome. We get to live in different parts of the country and just jump right in and learn about the place and the people, and it's fun. And it is exciting. Maybe we don't fit in, but maybe we're not supposed to. That's kind of the beauty of it right?

We went out downtown (or uptown) Charlotte on Saturday night with some people that we lived in Texas with, and even though we had hangovers yesterday, we felt better after that. They aren't from here, but they've lived here before and they love it, so I think it rubbed off on us a little bit. (They also taught me all the lingo I need to know, like catawampus lol. Don't even know if I spelled that right, had to google.) And I got excited talking about all the places I want to see here, and the things we want to do and I need to stop and appreciate the fact that we even get this chance. 

Here's a picture of us from Saturday night that I love/hate. 

Hate the kissy lips, but love everything else. Looking at this I see two people who maybe needed to "stop." To remember that sometimes life isn't always climbing up a ladder, and reaching for bigger and better things. Maybe what we really needed was time to slow down. Those last few months in Texas we barely saw each other, and it was hard. These past two weeks we've been together non-stop, and although we've been in a funk, we've been together. Last night we layed in bed and watched Grease (the entire movie, which never happens) without a care in the world and I was thinking like, "wow, are we really this bored?" And I've been thinking maybe it's good we're out in the middle of nowhere. Less distractions. More time at home. More time together. I know starting today that degree of laziness won't continue, But I'm hopeful that his schedule won't be quite as demanding this time and that we can find an in-between with our life here. Maybe this right here is the real perk.
x.

15 comments:

  1. So glad to hear that everything went (mostly?) well! I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit! Not that I have really moved away, but I think no matter how many times you move, you're still going to have to adjust and get reacclimated. I totally understand what you mean in regards to downgrading your apartment. We went from renting a condo to an apartment, on a whim pretty much, and it was a big adjustment. Not that I wasn't thankful to have a roof over my head, it was just different. And that's okay! Remember that you 'downgraded' for what I'm sure is a good cause (and a heftier bank account). Maybe this won't ever feel like home, but with time and more hangovers, you'll hopefully start to feel comfortable. Ted too (minus the nagovers) :) Hang tight, girl!

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    1. True...I don't know why I feel like I have to adjust so quickly when it's really such a big change. And I'm the kind of person who needs to be in a place, and observe for a while to really feel a place out. I'm sure my opinion will change in time, but had to document my first impressions you know. I feel like I'm coming across so ungrateful, but I just have to be honest. There's no point in lying here you know? I pay for this website to write out my feelings don't I lol? Lol...and no, the hangovers do not help. That probably set my mood back like a week lol.

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  2. Change is hard - that's all there is to it. Don't beat yourself up over it, I definitely think it's okay to grieve over what you left behind in Texas! Things will get better and eventually you'll find stuff to love about this new place! Thinking of you guys and poor Ted, hope he can find some friends soon haha!

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    1. Ted is KILLING ME!! He's been like seriously running whenever he see's a human like, "PLEASE COME PET ME!!" We're hoping to get him out to a dog park this weekend. I feel so bad I will probably let him play for like three hours lol.

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  3. I hope you start to like it better there. And I hope John's schedule does slow down a bit while you're here so you guys can spend more time together.

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  4. I love your blog! I don't comment a ton but it's just so honest and I like that! I read so many blogs that never really talk about anything negative and you just totally make yourself sound crazy sometimes! (That comes out wrong, but you know what I mean- you admit to the ups and downs and talk about when you cry for no reason!) I try to do the same on my blog and be totally honest about the good and bad times in life and marriage and being pregnant and it's just nice to read similar blogs. I'm with you on being down about certain things with moving though. It's hard to adjust to a new life somewhere, especially when you were happy somewhere else. It'll start to feel more normal eventually and even if you don't love it, it's temporary! It'll definitely be nice too if you and John get to spend more time together too! Life is crazy, so enjoy that while you can!

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    1. You are SO SWEET!!! And you are fine to say that, I AM CRAZY! Lol. But, to be fair I think we all are! Sometimes I think I'm maybe too honest here, but really what's the point in lying to myself? That's not what I'm doing here. Life is crazy isn't it? And literally, EVERYTHING is temporary in one way or another, so why not just try to enjoy it all? (Even if that means breaking down once in a while to get a better perspective lol.)

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  5. So I feel like I can't figure out my life enough to get around to blogging, BUT I still make sure to always read here :). I have been waiting to hear an update! One thing, the red dirt haha, it is clay. Our dirt sucks it is all red clay here. Good luck trying to dig a hole, seriously. Look at it this way, you'll get the good South Carolina peaches in a few months. We can grow some things really well in NC/ SC and peaches are one of them! Haha, weird? Also, is that really how you spell catawampus? I don't think I have ever seen it written and that is definitely not how it sounds. More like cat-e-wompus. On that topic, I am curious where in the "country" you are because I only know one person that even says that!! I rarely hear it and I don't know if I even use it. It means everything is all funky or "off" like off kilter? Hard to explain I guess. Definitely give yourself time. It has only been a week and it is a HUGE change, maybe even culture shock a little bit. Props to you guys! Definitely continue to check out all of the places on your list. You will know you are in NC vs SC when you see the gas prices, and when the road quality changes lol. You also have to remember it is winter here! Nothing is nice in the winter! No leaves, less green, less sun (lately) because of all the rain and now super cold today. Spring it'll look like a whole new place because we definitely have all 4 seasons. I definitely suffer from seasonal affective disorder (totally self diagnosed of course) but the winter time just sucks! John's opinion is pretty funny. I guess I don't notice the sweatpants (although I am all for it haha or yoga pants at least), but, yes, we acknowledge, say hi, or make eye contact with most people here! Enjoy all of the new to you grocery stores, and fast food chains. Stuff like that I think is fun! I don't know which grocery stores you had in Texas or Michigan to kind of compare them for you, but one of the "nicer" grocery stores is Harris Teeter, Food Lion is average but has better prices, and Bi-Lo is also cheap but I don't like it. There are a few Publix stores depending where you live and those are nicer than Harris Teeter. Of course there are a few others so maybe try a different one next time! Try a Bojangles if you like fried chicken (they are way better than KFC and I get the kid's chicken supreme combo because the portion is big), Cookout is a NC thing and is burgers and shakes, and Cheerwine is our (NC) soda! Haha

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    1. Okay lol, so the catepompus (HOWEVER IT'S REALLY SPELLED) was just something this girl told me, she's from Greensboro. She told me a bunch of sayings, most I've already heard before like "bless your heart", I just used the most ridiculous example lol. And I know everything I'm saying is totally irrational because it is winter and I've already said like ten times that I've developed SAD quickly lol. I think that's probably the real thing I'm struggling with. Like it rained for the first 4 or so days we were here and it was so depressing. I know it will get better, I mean all people could say to me when I said I was moving here was that it was so beautiful! So once it gets nicer I'll probably change my mind completely lol.Okay, but let's talk about food. We haven't had anything real yet, mostly like eating at home, but I LOVE PEACHES! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS A THING HERE! I'll be all over that. And Bojangles is on my list of places to go. Never even heard of it before! And I've never seen a cookout, so I'll look out for that one too. And I have been shopping at Harris Teeter! It's cute, but I also have a Publix nearby so I think I'm going to check that out next time. Okay, and gas, omg, right down the street from us it's in like the 1.60's and whenever I'm over in Charlotte its like 30 cents higher! That's stupid crazy! So that's a good perk right there ;) Oh, and I could not even tell you where we live, google "willows at fort mill apartments" lol. The area is growing on me the more I get out, but it is just so different from where we just were. But honestly, we grew up in like hick town Michigan so this is not bad at all. I think we were just around like rich neighborhoods in Texas, so of course the area seemed so nice, but it really didn't matter because we are not rich lol. But really, it will grow on me. I didn't want to pretend and write that like "we love it so much here!" when we don't really know yet. I think a lot of blogs would do that, but I can't lie to myself. I mean, I wouldn't write that in my journal lol. I try to be honest..

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  6. What is the weather like? I know how scary it can be. I felt the same when we moved to Ma except everyone was meaner instead of kinder. LOL People are so snobby here. But we're dealing. I'm hoping you love your new location and get to spend lots and lots of time with your fam bam this year. I hope Ted loves it too! Xoxo

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    1. Ohhhh, like 50's during the day but at night and early in the morning (when I'm out with the dog) it is soooo cold it like hurts my teeth! I've become such a baby about it lol. I've always pictured people out that way as snobby lol....not sure that I would really fit in there. This woman yesterday at Homegoods was kind of rude to me (she was in line behind me and apparently I was in the wrong line or something?) and I wanted to cry right then and there lol. It was so stupid. I do not handle those types of people well at all lol. (Reminds me of that story you told me about the dog park lol.)

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  7. I'm sorry you're in a funk :(. I can't imagine picking up my life and moving across country to somewhere I have never been and know nothing about. Also, I don't think you're a spoiled brat for being disappointed in the new apartment--I would be the same! I got spoiled with a nice apartment (but noisy neighbors haha) hence why we had to build a house instead of buying a used one. Things will get better, I promise!

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    1. Hahaha we always say we don't think we will ever be able to buy a "used" house. I'm glad you understand lol. But really it's our fault, we went cheap this time and the sayings true "you get what you pay for." It's only short term anyways. You need to do a house update post!!!

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