Monday, May 9, 2016

21dayfix round two results and a quick throwdown with "that crazy voice" in my head. (Maybe she lives in yours too..)

I'm not sure it's going to get any easier posting pictures like this, but it's good motivation for me and maybe inspiration to others, so what the hell. It's only a sports bra, right? Big whoop. I really do these little side-by-side collages mostly for myself so someday I can remember/look back on the weeks, but WHAT THE HELL, why not share them all right? 

So, I finished my second round of the 21 day fix and I seriously cannot believe the progress I've made in only six weeks. I take pictures of myself every Friday, and then I compare it to the week before and I'm always like, "oh my god...it's working!!!" I am nowhere near perfect, and I'm not aiming to ever be (what even is "perfect?") but this is just like a dream to me that I'm starting to feel better about my body. I'm not looking in the mirror anymore and going, "ugh." Now it's more like, "oh wow...you did that?" (That's me talking to myself.) I never, ever thought I had it in me to work hard and commit to something like this, but I did it. I'm doing it. I worked out every single day, pushed my mind to stay strong and kept my foods clean. I feel stupid sometimes that I knew it was that easy, but I made it out to be so hard in my mind. Workout, eat right...that's all there is to it. All I needed was some guidance and the right tools to make it happen, which is why I share this also. If this sounds like something you'd be interested in too, talk to me. Some people love to go the the gym, and that's great. But if you don't (like me..) and you think that's the only option, IT'S NOT. But I never really knew this, so I'm sharing because working out at home is like the best kept secret I've ever been let in on, lol. It's hard sometimes, but not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. The hardest part is sometimes mental...

For me, a lot of the mental part has been not letting myself give up during my workouts and trying to figure out a balance with my eating. I think everyones idea of creating that magic balance will look different. I'm a little more strict with mine A) because that's just how I am, and B) because I need a clear plan to follow. (Another reason these workouts work for me.) What works for me is having one planned treat night once I finish my rounds. Some might not call that balance, more like "reward," but that's what works for me. At least for now. This is ALL and might forever be a learning process. So during those six weeks I did have ONE treat night, right after the first round and honestly it was hard. That's probably the hardest part for me to learn in all this; how to balance living a healthy lifestyle but also being able to let loose once in a while. How to be a healthy, but not in an obsessive, restrictive way. But it's also probably the most important part for me to learn. In the past whenever I'd want to "get in shape," I didn't even consider working out, I'd just get obsessive over foods. What was going in, and not in recent times, but sometimes what was coming out also. It's really, really important for me to learn how to create the balance I need to keep myself on track and feeling great about myself, but also being able to be a real person who sometimes eats donuts. (FYI - donuts are my next treat, lol.) So while I may be slightly obsessing over the eating clean part, I am making damn sure I treat myself after every round no matter what because I need to know it's okay. I'm getting a bit off track here as I just wanted to pop in really quick to post these pictures, but I need to be totally real about how I'm doing. I need to voice this out and almost "tell on myself" that I am having a hard time with the treats and I need to get over it! I can be a healthy person and have treats too! I just like, get "in the zone" where I'm doing so well, and I can see it and I can feel it and so this stupid little voice gets in my head and tries to tell me that I can't stop. That one treat is going to ruin everything. But I need to ignore that crazy voice. Because that crazy voice is my eating disorder coming back around trying to control me. Really, that voice is me telling myself I can control how this ends. That if I just get a little bit more obsessive, I can have it all. That maybe I could be "perfect." But that voice is a cheater. She wants to cut corners and do it the slimy way and get into my head and tell me that it's okay, that I'll be even happier this way. That the thinner I get the better I'll be. But she's wrong. So this is me saying, GET OUTTA HERE CRAZY! You're not getting in this time! And I will never talk specific numbers (that's just me), but I did lose about a pound this round, to be totally completely honest, but then this morning I was up again a pound and a half so I'm calling it even. Someday I want to get to a place - in my head - where I can stop weighing myself every day, because that itself is addicting also, but I'm not quite there yet. I have to know. And it's important to me during this to maintain a healthy weight. So I tell myself I need to. But that could also be that crazy voice again...

GAH, this is not going where I thought it was going to go! Blogging always does this to me. I have one simple thought I want to put down and then once my fingers hit the keyboard, it's like therapy hour. Oh well, that was actually really great to get out as a reminder to myself and not a bad message to share. I know some of you can relate. Ignore that damn crazy voice, she's nuts. 

So anyways, let me get onto what I really swear that I came here for. Here's my 21DF round two results. Again, not perfect. Not even in that great of shape, yet. But what the hell. I'm not sure what perfect feels like, but progress feels damn good. 


What I think about when I look at these is that I am trying really hard not to laugh at John in all of them, haha. So not a huuge noticeable difference, but guys, I'M GETTING TONED!! Sometimes I don't see it, but then I'll be in the shower soaping up and I'm like..."hmm this feels different." (PERMANENT TMI ALERT.) Everything's just a bit tighter. And even my posture seems to be improving, which is great because I pretty much accepted that I'm going to be a hunchback as an old woman...but maybe I just needed some yoga in my life?

Okay now this next one is my favorite though...


I've always wanted a good "back" but never knew what the hell to do to get one. I'd do some of those pull down things at the gym...you know with the bar? I don't speak gym language, but anyways - I'd do those and just like, wish for back muscles pretty much, haha. This is straight up free weights, push-ups and planks. (Lots and lots and lots of plank moves. My "abs" are basically straight up planks too. And my new and improved posture. DO YOUR PLANKS!)  


Okay, so maybe these are all my favorites, haha. Because I LOVE this one too!! I wasn't messing around when I said that I AM getting abs. I've always wanted them, why the hell not just get them you know? I don't want to look back as a 90 year old and be like, "damn I should have just done some crunches while I was young." Or something like that. I really don't know what 90 year old me will regret someday, but I very clearly remember this thought I had around 20 years old. I saw someone who was in really, like REALLY good shape on Facebook or something, and I remember thinking, "I could do that." And then...well, story for another time (I will get into this story someday too, I need to if anything) but I decided working out was hard and I'd cheat. (In case your wondering, abs don't just show up from under eating. Big shock to me too.)


That on the left is pretty much exactly how I looked this past Saturday after my birthday dinner...which speaking of that. It was great. Who doesn't like to induldge in a 4 course meal every once in a while. But that feeling!! You know, THAT feeling of being so full but continuing to keep eating and eating? That's not even fun. By the time dessert came (which was all I really wanted), I could barely enjoy it because my stomach was just tapped out. I said to John afterwards, "I feel like I was just in an eating contest." And what I think is so crazy, now at least, is that I wasn't eating any different than I used to. The meal I had was something I've had plenty of times before, but this was the first time I really payed attention to just how MUCH food it was. And how SICK I felt to be stuffing myself that way. It's crazy. If anything, I totally suggest using portion control and eating clean for three weeks as an experiment to really take a look at what you're eating and how much. 

I'm starting the "extreme" version today...(today = Sunday, although this will probably post on Monday) and I am nervous! I could have gone another round with the original 21df, but I know I have to keep challenging myself. So extreme it is. It's going to be tough, but I think I can do it....and that will conclude today's "well, that was weird.." post. (That's you guys talking, lol.) As always, thanks for listening, and for all the support friends. Until next time..
xx

18 comments:

  1. Can't say this enough - I'm so inspired by this. As we speak I have a tab open for 21 Day Fix & mighttttttt need to pick your brain soon. Life has been way too hectic for me and when that happens, I need things to be quick & easy. I don't eat 'badly' at all but I do have bad habits and often don't really say no to things. I also can't seem to get into a groove with exercising. When that happens, i feel bloated, gross and just unhappy. I'm so intrigued by the things you talk about when cutting sugar, because I think that could be great for me. Keep up the good work; you look AH-MAZING!

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    1. Girl email me anytime! I have a group of girls doing it on FB with me too and it really helps. (And I am making sure they finish!) Sugar is seriously the worst. After I ate tons on Friday, I felt so like heavy and just like irritable all day Saturday. I really don't know if it affects everyone that way, but I can really feel a huge difference when I cut it out. But...you have like a fun social life so I feel like it's way easier for me because I literally am home 96% of the time. But working out from home would be awesome for someone busy like you. I felt bad that one time you were talking about working all day and then driving to the gym afterwards. I got tired just thinking about it lol.

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  2. I love what you said about the voice inside your head because I definitely have the same (but different) one that likes to point out ridiculous insecurities and lies about foods and how you look & feel. I can't imagine how amazing it feels to see these pictures and feel the results of your body- you look amazing!

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    1. YES! I think that voice is there for everyone, but sometimes for different reasons! Ugh, stupid. Why the hell do we do this to ourselves. It's crazy. It's hard to push it away, like basically a full time commitment, but it feels SO GOOD.

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  3. serious GOALS Morgan!! haha holy crap you are doing awesome! And I've always wanted a 6 pack and a nice back, too so I am going to do my freaking planks!! It's hard to know what exactly I can and can't do while pregnant (obviously no abs because it's 100% pointless) but back and legs I can work on!! Keep posting the fitness stuff because it's inspiration! Have you ever heard of BBG? I feel like you would love it and kill it! Portion control is my weakness! How did you get so good with it?! I always have this mentality of "this is so good I need to eat as much as possible" but like no. I should not do that!

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    1. Yes someone actually sent me the whole bbg thing but I just love the videos! I have a hard time understanding unless I SEE it happening, if that makes any sense. And because there's a timer and "someone" (that someone being someone in the tv lol) telling me motivating things, I feel like it helps me so much. The portion control part I'm still learning, it's so hard for me too. I love to fricking eat. Trust me. I that was my mentality my entire life, "this is so good I need to eat as much as possible" lol. No joke.

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  4. I can totally agree about portions. Back when Michael and I had our relationship weight, we were eating soo much. And going out too much. And even when we made healthy food at home we just ate so much because that's what we were used to. It's so nice to be able to eat more normal portions and not feel like I need to eat more!

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    1. Isn't it weird how our stomachs can get used to it!? I know some people who just eat sooo much, and I'm like "HOW?!" but I think they're just used to it.

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  5. You look AMAZING!! and good for you for finding something that works for you/admitting the ups and downs of the whole process!

    I see those ab muscles! And arms! And hello, toned muscles.

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    1. THANK YOU!!!! We all have to figure out our place in this crazy (intimidating in my opinion lol) fitness world. Honestly pilates/floor work is reallly my favorite, but I know right now at least, I need the variety and definitely the cardio because it's just good for me. I need to build up some endurance so I'm not always that person who gets tired walking up the stairs lol. xo

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  6. Damn girl!! Your back and abs look incredible. You really do look so tone and strong. It is so impressive to see the before and afters like this!

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    1. THANK YOU! That means a lot. I love doing this little before/afters, it keeps me going for more!

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  7. You look awesome & I see some abs! I have a crazy voice in my head that makes me feel super guilty (and fat) if I don't work out. It's stupid, seriously. Like, I want to stifle it but it's SO hard! I'm impressed by the progress you've made just by doing workouts at home! Not to mention the motivation to work out at home when you could just sit on the couch instead, haha. I have terrible posture too so maybe I need to start doing more planks! I'm interested to hear more about your "extreme" workouts!

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    1. Lol it's so weird, I have not had any desire to sit on the couch! This whole lifestyle has motivated me to start doing so many things. I just wish I had a million hours! Like there's so many things I want to blog/write about. I'll get to them all someday..lol. And that dumb voice. You're NOT fat if you don't workout every day! I know it's something I'm still learning too, but we need to be kinder to ourselves!

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  8. You look so good!! Once this baby is out of me I need to get back on track and you are inspiring me!

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    1. I'll be here, still UN-pregnant so whenever you're ready we can be virtual fitness pals. I like text/email/message/snap with so many people now about working out and eating it helps keeps me going for sure!

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  9. honestly girl, biggest high fives ever. seriously. you're awesome. i totally know what you mean about the voice in your head, mine is always telling me if i just don't eat for a couple of days, or if i super restrict, it will get me the jump start i need, and then i can be skinny and everything will magically be perfect.. but that's just not true or realistic. so i'm working on it too, it's hard. and omg yes to 'I need to know it's okay'. seriously. i so badly want to get to a point where i can have a donut or cake or chocolate or chips and not feel like shit. not because of a stomach ache or anything, but because i tell myself i have failed and am basically a horrible person or whatever. which is not true, but it's just how i've conditioned myself. i'm a bad person when i eat bad food, and i'm a good person when i eat good food. i'd really like to get to a point where i'm a good, healthy, normal person that eats well but sometimes has a treat and doesn't beat herself up about it.
    but enough about me ;) congrats girl, you go!

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    1. No please it helps me so much to know that you understand too! I think it is definitely going to take some time to change, but at least we're working on it! Just today I had so much peanut butter, like at three different times and I keep getting "mad" at myself about it, but WHAT'S THE BIG FUCKING DEAL. It's peanut butter. It's not going to add 5 lbs or something instantly, plus I worked out hard today so really I should not care at all, but I do for some reason. It's so hard not to beat ourselves up over it. BUT, working on it right! It takes time.

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